the nile is a river in egypt

it's not the actions of your past that eat at me
it's the fact that you've misled me about your past
so much so that i've been searching and researching
high and low
trying to find those little pieces of the puzzle that was your life
hoping to put it all together
so that we could move forward with ours
together

now
the truth
not what i expected to hear
who would
it's in the past
it doesn't matter
but the lies you tell yourself
and me
denial
i didn't do it
blink, blink
those lies
they tear at my heart

how can you sit there and lie to my face
then tell me that you love me
if you can't tell me the truth
we don't have a future
together

Wonder Woman Meets Grawp [*** Names Have Been Changed to Protect the Innocent]

"Only our mother would get attacked by a 7' tard." - my son

Yes, another one of those totally fucked up stories that is only believable when connected with me:

I was standing outside in my driveway St Patrick's Day night around 2000 hours with my son and fiance when an SUV came down the street and slowed just before my neighbor's house, three doors down and across the street. Suddenly, the driver began honking the horn non-stop for more than a minute while coming to a stop in the neighbor's driveway.

A screaming woman jumped out of the car closely followed by the neighbors' 40-something son. He grabbed her by the neck and started punching her. [[I know that this guy is mentally delayed because 1] I was told this when I moved in, and 2] I've seen him with his various nurses, with whom he leaves the house for the day, then returns and sleeps at his elderly Mommy & Daddy's.]] I heard more screaming: ""Grawp," you can't hit me! Stop!"" The man was still hitting and choking her as his father came to the door. The nurse bolted to her SUV and the father walked "Grawp" inside the house.

Enter Wonder Woman: I ran across the street to see how badly the nurse was injured and do what I could to help.

UNFORTUNATELY, just as, "What happened? Are you okay?" rolled off my tongue all 6'4" 375+ lbs of "Grawp" attacked me. He lifted me off the ground by the front of my zip-up hoodie with his left hand and pummeled me with his right. It probably wouldn't have been too bad except that, as he punched me, he was bouncing me off the nurse's SUV like roadkill off a bumper on Route 66. Some body-part of mine broke the nurse's side mirror - not sure which body-part because it all happened so fast.

I tried to make eye contact with him and yelled, "STOP!" which he did for a split second until I yelled,"Doback!" [hoping to catch my fiance's attention]. After my third or fourth yell, Doback came around the front of the SUV and tackled Grawp to the ground. The next thing I remember is yelling,"Don't hit him just subdue him and keep him on the ground. Sit on him if you have to!" as I picked myself up off the ground and grabbed my phone to call 911.

I knocked on the nurse's window again, asked if anyone else had been attacked. She told me that he attacked the next door neighbor, who had already disappeared into her house with her husband, and his father. I banged on the partially open door and called out for "Grawp's" father who responded with, "I'm all right. I'm getting his medicine. Give him his medicine!" (0.5 mg of ativan) which I, in turn, jogged over to Doback so he could give to Grawp, who was still struggling to get off the ground because Doback, at this point, was sitting on him.

All this time I was talking with both 911 and EMT's who had already been dispatched. After I hung up the phone I realized that I couldn't feel my arms anymore - the exact same feeling I'd had before my neck surgery in January. I stopped in my tracks and did a quick self-assessment: headache, numb and tingling arms, sore neck, right knee, and lower back, with soft tissue injuries all over.

After approximately 45-50 mins police and EMT's arrived. The nurse was assessed and sent to St Luke's Hospital. I don't know how she is because I never did get her name. I asked an EMT to check my pupils and after responding to his question of, "Why?" suddenly found myself strapped to a backboard with a hard collar around my neck. Four days, two seizures, and an inability to keep food down later, I was released from the hospital hoping to be able to eat some solid food. [Is Ramen solid?]

My head is pounding and my neck is still sore but the titanium plate didn't shift so, eventually, my neck will feel okay [I hope]. My headache is concussion-induced so they don't know how long before it will get better. That's why I am vomiting, too. It turns out that there is some brain damage resulting in "cognitive deficit" from the head injury and I have to go to therapy. There will be other follow-ups for the migraine, my knee and ankle [which bruised up while I was inpatient], lower back, soft tissue damage ......

And, then, there's the Prosecutor's office. This isn't the first time "Grawp" has attacked someone. Police reports have already been filed. My hope is that "Grawp" will be moved to a place where his movement is restricted so that he will be unable to attack anyone in the future - especially his parents, who appear to be far more fragile than me. I can't imagine what the result would have been if he had been shaking his mother or a child.

I, for one, have learned that I need to be more aware of my surroundings. While I did watch him walk into the house, I did not look to see if he was in view [say, in the window] when I was approaching the SUV. I did not see him coming toward me around the front of the SUV until it was too late. Worst of all - and something that keeps coming to me in the frequent nightmares I'm experiencing - is that when I first saw him I thought he was smiling. Then, in the split second it took him to reach me I realized that he was leering - not smiling.

But, I would do it all again. I would keep my eyes open better, for sure, but I am happy that the nurse got out of that situation all right and hope that, someday, she'll Pay-It-Forward.

I do hope that "Grawp" is moved to a group home. He was arrested then "de-arrested" in 2005 for domestic violence for attacking his nurse and parents but the Board of Mental Retardation stepped in and guaranteed that he would be placed in a group home where he would be monitored. So much for that. I am really worried about his parents and the kids around here ... both of our attacks - especially mine - were unprovoked. He had to open the door and come out of the house and across the yard to attack me.

It took a lot for me to press charges. I know what it's like to live in a nursing home. But, I also know how dangerous he can be. ["The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few/one." - Spock to Kirk in STII: Wrath of Khan, 1982]

Has anyone ever experienced anything like this? I would love to hear from you - especially how you felt afterward ... I don't know if it's from the assault or the head injury or who knows what but I have been very short tempered and aggressive the last few days and it is quite out of character for me!

b.o.r.e.d.

i'm bored. so bored i could pull out all my eyelashes one by one bored. furniture moving bored. pimple popping bored. eyebrow plucking bored. you know, the kind where you end up with no eyebrows left bored. fml.

"you get used to it ... "

been watching a lot of movies lately and sunshine cleaning is one of the quirky-funniest i've seen to date. you will LOL watching as two sisters open and run a crime scene cleaning business. the movie didn't get a lot of press which is a crime in itself. get to the video store and rent it then sit through the first ten or fifteen minutes of character development that prepares you for a fun and quirky ride at the hands of amy adams, emily blunt, and alan arkin.

slowwwwww going!

tonight i read through half of dawn's [carpe diem] 2009 blogs. sooooo nice to read about what she has been up to this year! i am slowly catching up on blogs and others' lives yet, it seems [and dawn made the comment as well] that many people are missing from back when "we" were using aol journals. sad, really. it felt like more of a "community" then. after so many years, i suppose it would. how does one make it happen here and now?

i have found that facebook offers a fun community feeling yet it does not offer the same type of atmosphere. one cannot lay out ones feelings on facebook. it is not acceptable. [the verizon commercial nailed the sentiment right on the head.] one must not express emotion on facebook. funny quote? put it in your status for the day. angry with your boss? status. countdown to college? status. but, feeling down because your joints ache for the fourth day in a row and your doctor doesn't have a remedy? keep that emotion hidden. there is no place for pain and/or angst on facebook [that is, unless you are taking one of the mindless quizzes].

not to say that i don't enjoy facebooking. i do. i'm a little bit hooked, in fact. i have the facebook application on my crackberry so i can get updates 24/7. lucky me, i know when someone has posted a picture of their painted toenails the moment it happens.

i am ready for something new.

Summer Update

i cannot believe how long it has been. life has been ... well ... life. i see that many blogs are not being updated as often as they were when life was ao-hell. coincidence? or, like me, are the bloggers so busy that they don't have time to update?

since my last entry many things have happened. the best, along with getting engaged, is that my house is "safe." if the current administration hadn't imposed a foreclosure moratorium i would have lost it - not because i wasn't actively pursuing a resolution, but because i was not receiving responses from the corporations involved! for all the trouble i went through, i wonder how many people lost their homes because they simply ran out of time and/or patience. there were four - yes, four! - homes on my street that were abandoned [some fully furnished]. that's approximately 25% of the homes on my street. how sad is that? even worse is that i know, for a fact, that GMAC was the mortgage company involved with at least two of the homes [mine as well]. it disgusts me that so many people were screwed by them and, yet, they were allowed a bail out. i wouldn't have been in foreclosure if the company had accepted my partial payment last year when my roof and [entire] heating system had to be emergently replaced. instead, the company refused partial payment for the first month and refused further payment for the next two months until sending the home into foreclosure. i contacted GMAC's attorneys immediately to arrange payment and, subsequently, reached a deal with them. then came the wait .................

the papers never came despite my many emails and phone calls and, after my last email to their attorneys, i received notice that my mortgage had been "sold." coincidental that it happened around the time of the bailout ... >:( ultimately, after several stalled attempts [the current servicer lost pertinent info not once, but twice!] i was able to reach a DECENT service rep and my house is now out of foreclosure. my issue with the whole shebang is that there have been fees and penalties attached to my account - including an additional, mysterious $9K that appeared after the mortgage was sold by GMAC - that wouldn't have been there if "the other side" had done its job in a timely fashion. [i am still fighting the fees and penalties!] if anyone out there is experiencing foreclosure i highly recommend being patient and thorough. do not let corporate america take away your home if you know, in your heart, that you have done as much as you can to prevent foreclosure. all the foreclosure-related news that was on CNN [including statements from my state rep Marcy Kaptur, who suggested squatting] don't tell you that assistance programs are only as good as those who answer their phones. be vigilant about your account - keep records and notes - and if you don't receive responses, keep calling/emailing/etc. ultimately, it was vigilance and a timely intervention from the current admin via the moratorium that kept my house from foreclosure. while it will take more time to reach an agreement on the penalties and fees i know that, finally, my home is "safe." my payment is half what it was before due to a lower interest rate and extended mortgage term. those who are interested in this program and others can go to FinancialStability.gov hope it helps!

more later.

My Grown Up Christmas List [neat idea, Missie!]

1. my entire family together for at least an hour in the same place!
2. a [small denomination] home depot gift card so i can finish my house.

short list, i know. the thing is, i already have a great life and am so happy that i really can't think of anything else.