Sunday, March 13, 2011


so much on my mind ......



Friday, June 25, 2010

no more

i'm sorry
i fucked up
can we move on?

you spoke the words
but your actions
speak louder

twelve bottles
and broken promises
enough is enough.


no more.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

my new blog!

i am so outraged by how many people i know who have lost - or are in the process of losing their homes that i have decided to start a blog to try to help those with the knowledge i have gained over the three, long years i've been fighting my own mortgage company.

i started with the same blog - regarding the scam - but will begin blogging from the beginning of my story with hints and suggestions as to what i could have done differently at the time [if i had only known then what i know now!!!]

come visit my new blog and, please, tell all your friends about it!  How to Keep Your House, Money & Sanity

Monday, June 14, 2010

forgetmeknot ... tying the knot!

my daughter is engaged! she and her boyfriend got engaged this weekend ... so excited! as a parent one always hopes that ones child will find the perfect partner who will provide the ideal balance of love, laughter, security, etc ... i could not have hand-picked a better man than this for my little girl :D

this is a big year for her, too. she has started her own business!

for an innovative pricing system that combats the overpriced, antiquated systems of many older and larger companies, visit her photography website forgetmeknot on

Friday, June 11, 2010

Scam, Scam, Scam

The newest scam mortgage lenders are perpetuating on unsuspecting buyers is costing buyers their homes. Home Affordable Modification Program, otherwise known as HAMP, is a US Treasury program designed to help at-risk homeowners.

Unfortunately, lenders have found a way to screw homeowners - while lining their pockets with government funds.

Each homeowner that signs up for the HAMP program generates $1000.00 for the lender. The homeowner is required to make 3 [three] trial payments to satisfy the program requirements before the loan modification is approved. During this time, Lender "loses" the homeowner's paperwork which makes it impossible for the homeowner to complete the modification within the allotted time period. Therefore, an extension is granted, which is considered a new modification -- which means another $1000.00 for the lender!!!


The lenders are not discriminating based upon gender, race, disability, et-al. They will screw anyone over.

Hence the class action suit[s] about to be filed. Therefore, if you have been a victim of "lost paperwork" and shifty loan modifications [HAMP] contact a local lawyer and/or HUD office to find out where to have your name included on the class action list.

You're not alone!

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

the nile is a river in egypt

it's not the actions of your past that eat at me
it's the fact that you've misled me about your past
so much so that i've been searching and researching
high and low
trying to find those little pieces of the puzzle that was your life
hoping to put it all together
so that we could move forward with ours

the truth
not what i expected to hear
who would
it's in the past
it doesn't matter
but the lies you tell yourself
and me
i didn't do it
blink, blink
those lies
they tear at my heart

how can you sit there and lie to my face
then tell me that you love me
if you can't tell me the truth
we don't have a future

Friday, March 26, 2010

Wonder Woman Meets Grawp [*** Names Have Been Changed to Protect the Innocent]

"Only our mother would get attacked by a 7' tard." - my son

Yes, another one of those totally fucked up stories that is only believable when connected with me:

I was standing outside in my driveway St Patrick's Day night around 2000 hours with my son and fiance when an SUV came down the street and slowed just before my neighbor's house, three doors down and across the street. Suddenly, the driver began honking the horn non-stop for more than a minute while coming to a stop in the neighbor's driveway.

A screaming woman jumped out of the car closely followed by the neighbors' 40-something son. He grabbed her by the neck and started punching her. [[I know that this guy is mentally delayed because 1] I was told this when I moved in, and 2] I've seen him with his various nurses, with whom he leaves the house for the day, then returns and sleeps at his elderly Mommy & Daddy's.]] I heard more screaming: ""Grawp," you can't hit me! Stop!"" The man was still hitting and choking her as his father came to the door. The nurse bolted to her SUV and the father walked "Grawp" inside the house.

Enter Wonder Woman: I ran across the street to see how badly the nurse was injured and do what I could to help.

UNFORTUNATELY, just as, "What happened? Are you okay?" rolled off my tongue all 6'4" 375+ lbs of "Grawp" attacked me. He lifted me off the ground by the front of my zip-up hoodie with his left hand and pummeled me with his right. It probably wouldn't have been too bad except that, as he punched me, he was bouncing me off the nurse's SUV like roadkill off a bumper on Route 66. Some body-part of mine broke the nurse's side mirror - not sure which body-part because it all happened so fast.

I tried to make eye contact with him and yelled, "STOP!" which he did for a split second until I yelled,"Doback!" [hoping to catch my fiance's attention]. After my third or fourth yell, Doback came around the front of the SUV and tackled Grawp to the ground. The next thing I remember is yelling,"Don't hit him just subdue him and keep him on the ground. Sit on him if you have to!" as I picked myself up off the ground and grabbed my phone to call 911.

I knocked on the nurse's window again, asked if anyone else had been attacked. She told me that he attacked the next door neighbor, who had already disappeared into her house with her husband, and his father. I banged on the partially open door and called out for "Grawp's" father who responded with, "I'm all right. I'm getting his medicine. Give him his medicine!" (0.5 mg of ativan) which I, in turn, jogged over to Doback so he could give to Grawp, who was still struggling to get off the ground because Doback, at this point, was sitting on him.

All this time I was talking with both 911 and EMT's who had already been dispatched. After I hung up the phone I realized that I couldn't feel my arms anymore - the exact same feeling I'd had before my neck surgery in January. I stopped in my tracks and did a quick self-assessment: headache, numb and tingling arms, sore neck, right knee, and lower back, with soft tissue injuries all over.

After approximately 45-50 mins police and EMT's arrived. The nurse was assessed and sent to St Luke's Hospital. I don't know how she is because I never did get her name. I asked an EMT to check my pupils and after responding to his question of, "Why?" suddenly found myself strapped to a backboard with a hard collar around my neck. Four days, two seizures, and an inability to keep food down later, I was released from the hospital hoping to be able to eat some solid food. [Is Ramen solid?]

My head is pounding and my neck is still sore but the titanium plate didn't shift so, eventually, my neck will feel okay [I hope]. My headache is concussion-induced so they don't know how long before it will get better. That's why I am vomiting, too. It turns out that there is some brain damage resulting in "cognitive deficit" from the head injury and I have to go to therapy. There will be other follow-ups for the migraine, my knee and ankle [which bruised up while I was inpatient], lower back, soft tissue damage ......

And, then, there's the Prosecutor's office. This isn't the first time "Grawp" has attacked someone. Police reports have already been filed. My hope is that "Grawp" will be moved to a place where his movement is restricted so that he will be unable to attack anyone in the future - especially his parents, who appear to be far more fragile than me. I can't imagine what the result would have been if he had been shaking his mother or a child.

I, for one, have learned that I need to be more aware of my surroundings. While I did watch him walk into the house, I did not look to see if he was in view [say, in the window] when I was approaching the SUV. I did not see him coming toward me around the front of the SUV until it was too late. Worst of all - and something that keeps coming to me in the frequent nightmares I'm experiencing - is that when I first saw him I thought he was smiling. Then, in the split second it took him to reach me I realized that he was leering - not smiling.

But, I would do it all again. I would keep my eyes open better, for sure, but I am happy that the nurse got out of that situation all right and hope that, someday, she'll Pay-It-Forward.

I do hope that "Grawp" is moved to a group home. He was arrested then "de-arrested" in 2005 for domestic violence for attacking his nurse and parents but the Board of Mental Retardation stepped in and guaranteed that he would be placed in a group home where he would be monitored. So much for that. I am really worried about his parents and the kids around here ... both of our attacks - especially mine - were unprovoked. He had to open the door and come out of the house and across the yard to attack me.

It took a lot for me to press charges. I know what it's like to live in a nursing home. But, I also know how dangerous he can be. ["The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few/one." - Spock to Kirk in STII: Wrath of Khan, 1982]

Has anyone ever experienced anything like this? I would love to hear from you - especially how you felt afterward ... I don't know if it's from the assault or the head injury or who knows what but I have been very short tempered and aggressive the last few days and it is quite out of character for me!